Wondering who that monster is - It's you. We have to unlearn decades of pervasive conditioning passed on from generation to generation which subsumes how a woman needs to live by definition set in motion by a patriarchal society. It is this monster that's in many of us, which subjects women to a box of being less than equal.
Ever been told not to wear a short dress? Ever been summoned back home by sunset? Ever been told not to post anything that could raise eyebrows or a question on social media? Ever been groped in public only to have people tell you don't take that route again or don't react? Ever heard of people hushing up a rape or a molestation incident cos the girl has a lot to lose? Ever been told you shouldn't be drinking cos you're a girl? Ever heard of being slut shamed cos you had sex before marriage but if a man did the same, then he's just a man? Ever heard of people tell you if your engagement is called off, its easy for a man to find a girl again but you...it won't be easy for you?
These questions....THEY call for reasoning. THEY call for introspection.
Every time my 20 year old niece is out till 9pm, my family is racing up and down the house waiting for her to step foot inside, calling her 10 times in 30 min to know where she's reached, tracking her cab movement, taking the cab driver details down and having 100 on speed dial.
Every time I went out partying with some friends, my mom would sit and fall asleep on a chair only to wake up every 5 min and check her phone to see if I've texted or if my whatsapp last seen was just a few minutes ago.
Every time I would have to work late, be at a show that ended late, my dad would stay on the phone with me from the time I entered my car till I reached the gate of my home and have my dad open the gate for me at 1am.
Every time my brother went out with a group of friends, he was instructed to drop all his female friends back home before he headed back. He was even asked to wait outside their houses till they walked in and closed the door behind them and confirmed they were inside.
Now, I can be angry and upset that my family is so paranoid about my safety, and more so have an ingrained opinion of how things will always be for women. But the truth is, it is their feeling of being helpless in situations like this that make them say and do these things. It is years of pervasive conditioning, that you begin to accept that as a norm. Well, nothing comes easy, nobody's mindset and behaviour can be changed overnight, but you know what you can do... you can take a step. Just one step at a time.
Tell your children - son AND daughter that neither get preferential treatment for anything. Don't send your son for martial arts and daughter for ballet, send them both to a place based on their interests. Tell both your children to have fun but get home safe. Don't ask your daughter to compromise when it comes to choosing her career over marriage. Don't ask her to wear long fully covered clothes instead ask your son to stop looking at women perversely. If you choose to tell your son to practice safe sex, then learn to tell your daughter that too. Teach your children the value of the words 'yes' and 'no', what consent means. Teach your son to respect and your daughter to stop hiding. Tell your son he's only as special as his sister is.
This is a conversation you should be having in the living room of your house repetitively. This is that conversation that will go a long long way in how our children will respect human beings without bias. This is that conversation that will leave behind a safe world for our kids to live in. But the change has to start within, with YOU. Gender sensitivity is an actual thing. The worst any of us "educated elite" could do is to read the atrocities women are subjected to, the differentiation women are subjected to and be silent spectators, without inducing a change at home.
As Dante Alighieri once said, “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.”
The ease with which you articulate your views through your shows and now through your writing is commendable and totally relateable. Now I can see a strong resemblance to Twinkle Khanna.
Tolerance as a virtue is completely misunderstood. Child abuse and virtual bullying is at a whole new level with the lockdown. This article is a good reminder to stay true to your beliefs and to not give up .
Our generation sadly have realisations in our early thirties or worst much later to finally make lemonade with our lemons. We were just busy most of our known lives to fit into the social mould we were trained to fit in. And when it doesn't fit, we spend another few years wondering why. While it's never late for us to make lemonades, education is the key as is mentioned here and teach the younger generation to be better and break the old bullpoo. Such a good read!!!! Keep going!
This is really awesome,great post, we all can sink into it.Seriously wow,how well you write and how deeply you connect the subject into everyone!!Love your spirit and you have a great sense of responsibility!!Keep writing !!!
Like this pandemic we are all facing this situation needs a. biG change....let’s be the change and bring them soon...
Nicely penned Thoughts Divz!!!
Divz, could relate to every bit and affirm this has to come within us plus educate our daughters and sons.
We need to change!
you are such an awesome writer.. i always knew it since you were in your 7th or 8th grade may be. Looking forward for your poems too.