Have you ever had a loss of appetite? Have you ever just smiled at the air? Felt shivers up your spine? Checked your phone a thousand times in a day to make sure you don't miss his or her call? Checked their 'last seen' on WhatsApp to wonder why they are not texting you? Ever been so restless that you couldn't sleep? You set alarms to wake them and then go back to sleep? Ever played love songs on loop? Ever pictured the wedding, what kind of a house you would live in? Discussed baby names with them?
.....Yes, that is your two steps forward.
Ever been in a place in life where the moment you're rejoicing about something, the next moment you're weeping your life out?
Love, its also a sign of pain. Love can never be just about happiness. Love has its ups and downs. Sometimes, the minute it has an 'up', it is followed with a 'down'. Depressing, isn't it?
People always talk about the honeymoon period; the absolutely high on love, adrenaline rushing, butterflies in the stomach period. What I question is why is it a 'period', why is it time bound? Why can't two people in love have hair raising moments all through life? Why does one change? Why does one take the other for granted? Where are the letters, the emails? Why do birthdays and anniversaries not matter anymore? Why do you not want to talk for hours anymore? Why do you not want to make time between busy schedules anymore?
I have been here. I have been in these situations. I have been taken for granted, been disrespected, felt unloved and un-valued. I have experienced the peak of love, only to fall. My mental health has been beaten, bruised and battered only to think that these wounds would never heal. But what I realise with time is that wounds heal, it's the scars that don't.
You somehow manage to wake up, still feeling the pain from your wounds, but as days go by, you deal with the pain, you accept the pain as a part of you, you don't expect it to heal cos you're not looking to be wounded in the same place again. You apply the medicine to close the open flesh, you don't realise when the pain is fading, or when the wound is healing, and finally when it is all healed and dried up, there's a scar that doesn't hurt, but evertime you look at it, it reminds you of the pain you went through when you fell.
.....and that is your five steps backward.